Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were dating someone in the hopes that they would show up differently or do the work on themselves and change into the person you always knew they could be? Yeah, me too.
If we are really honest with ourselves this is living in a fantasy. We can love certain aspects of someone but we need to accept the entire package if we are going to continue in the relationship. Otherwise it is likely going to create resentment, conflict and other issues.
Honoring and loving ourselves sometimes means asking ourselves the question: “Accepting this person exactly as they are right here and right now, does that work for me?” and being really honest with our answer.
No one is going to be perfect and it is not realistic to expect perfection but our work is to get really clear on the qualities that will support us in the highest expression of who we are individually and in relationship and embody those qualities ourselves and communicate them to our partners in a conscious manner.
If both people are willing to do their inner work and truly show up for themselves and the relationship it can be an opportunity to co-create something that works better for both people. I support couples in growing and expanding together when they are committed to that path.
If someone is showing you who they are over and over again and it doesn’t work for you, holding onto that relationship may be keeping you from something that is more aligned.
My personal dealbreaker is if I am being taken out of my peace over and over again and I have put everything I have into the relationship then the most loving thing for me to do is to leave. Easier said than done, I know.
I once had a coach tell me that if something is truly not aligned there are two options: break your own heart once by leaving or continue to stay and break your own heart over and over again experiencing all of the hurt and disappointment.
Not to mention it doesn’t serve the other person either if we stay and continue to build resentment.
I truly believe that if something is meant to be it will come back around, so even if we need to take time for ourselves that will lead to things self-organizing and self-correcting.
If not then we are closer to bumping into the relationship that will serve the highest good for everyone involved.
If you’re feeling stuck it’s likely that your relationship is hooking into your core wounding and you may need some support in healing more before you are able to see things clearly. I can help.
If you’re feeling the call to reach out and have a consult here is the link.