Did They Ever Really Love Me? (and other obsessive thoughts)

Today I had a session with my coach Jenn and I was going over how my last relationship ended and my confusion over the different versions of the person I had experienced. I was stuck on the question of did he ever love me? Was any of it even real? Was the version of himself that he showed me in the beginning authentic? Or was it a manipulation? I wanted to crack the code!

To be really honest, I have been trying to solve this unsolvable mystery for a few weeks. I know I am not alone here because my clients and friends have shared similar questions when they are going through a breakup. It can be very confusing when the status of the relationship changes and you’re left to pick up the pieces and do your best to heal without closure. Often the mind spirals around with the “problem” rather than dropping into the body which holds the actual emotions and grief of it all. 

Relationships are complex. Humans are complex. There are many different perceptions, interpretations, experiences and because of this there really is no way to “solve for X” in the equation (although I stayed up till 5am the other night trying! – and spoiler alert – it wasn’t helpful).

Jenn guided me to a different question. Not: did he ever even love me? But does he have the capacity to LOVE? Does he have the capacity to show up? Does he have the capacity to be vulnerable? To communicate? And if not, does he have the desire to learn? Because all of these questions are super important. If he doesn’t – then love really isn’t going to be enough and it isn’t an energetic match to begin with!

Depending on our energy we will be moved in and out of the energetic field of other people. Sometimes we are aligned for a brief time and we bump into each other, have a little rendezvous and then when we are no longer aligned we vibrate right out! Sometimes we go in and out of the same person’s energy field. Sometimes we stay aligned with someone for a lifetime. 

We can’t hang out for too long in the field of someone who isn’t aligned energetically – the lack of alignment will show up repeatedly (as universal guidance) and we can choose to fight it (which I honestly did for a bit – since I am a stubborn Taurus) or surrender into the flow and the process of life and do our best to TRUST that space is created for a reason and that something or someone more aligned will flow in eventually. 

In the meantime go easy and gently with yourself in your process. If you’re anything like me, letting go is only the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn and it has never once been easy – but I am getting better at it! 

Tend to those parts of yourself that feel raw and vulnerable. Surround yourself with loving people who lift you up and love you (I call them your God squad). Keep doing your own inner work so that when your aligned person shows up – you are ready 🙂

If you need support with this process – let’s connect:


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