One of the main challenges many of my clients face is an attraction to people who are unavailable. This usually occurs because we tend to be subconsciously drawn to what feels familiar and associate that familiarity with love.
How do we know that someone is unavailable? Quite simply, they will tell you – either with their words or their actions (and usually both). At which point you have a few options:
- You can continue and gather more data based on your experiences with them
- You can take what they are saying and face value and decide accordingly if you want to continue to invest your time and energy with your eyes wide open
- You can walk away, creating space energetically for someone who is available
Here is a key component to this dynamic that can be a bit confronting – if you are attracted to someone who is unavailable there is a part of you that is also unavailable – to YOU!
To shift this dynamic we need to practice putting the focus back on ourselves and really becoming available to ourselves, which can look like:
- Practicing being with our uncomfortable feelings without distracting or trying to anesthetize them in some way (food, love, alcohol, drugs, etc.)
- Journaling about our thoughts and feelings to build a deeper relationship with ourselves
- Getting some outside support to heal anything that is blocking us from giving and receiving love (I can help!)
- Creating and holding boundaries with people and things that are robbing us of our energy and keeping us stuck
- Taking ourselves on dates, writing ourselves vows, really practicing honoring and loving ourselves they way we would a romantic partner
- Surrounding ourselves
The more we take steps like these the more we will shift energetically and people who are not available will no longer be attractive to us. Small steps eventually lead to rewiring our brains and nervous systems and as we become available to ourselves we attract another available person.
If you are stuck in this pattern and need some support rewiring and healing I would LOVE to connect with you. Click this link to book your initial call: