We project our unhealed core wounding from childhood onto our romantic partners in an attempt to finally have the corrective experience that we crave.
Whatever needs that were consistently left unmet in childhood created imprints in our subconscious that drive us to seek the fulfillment of those needs as adults.
Add that to the societal programming that tells us that our partners exist to “make us happy” and when they show up we will live “happily ever after” and the thinking that as soon as we have the relationship we desire everything will be fixed is reinforced even more.
If you have a perpetual feeling of longing and emptiness and strive to fill this with a romantic partnership it will be a fruitless and painful search.
This void cannot be filled by another person. You will ride the highs and lows of connection and disconnection and be brought to your knees over and over again until you have no choice but to surrender and go within.
We are wired to connect to our mothers for survival and if we did not receive that attunement and connection it creates a feeling of an insatiable need for connection.
The more we try to fill it with something outside of ourselves the more painful it gets. Like trying to quench our thirst with salt water. It cannot be filled by a man (or woman) because it originated from the missing attunement of our mothers.
We save ourselves. Period.
You know that cliche that says “you are the one you have been waiting for?” – well, it’s true.
We are the only ones who can. We are the only ones who know what we are feeling and needing moment to moment.
This requires awareness around the pattern and programming that is playing out. Bringing it to the light and the intention and willingness to heal these old wounds.
This does not mean we have to do this alone and we actually were never meant to. We can be supported by other loving people and resources in creating new wiring in our brains and nervous systems where we feel whole with or without a romantic partner.
Ironically once we can have that experience chances are that a healthy partnership will show up because we no longer “need” it to be okay.
We heal this core wound through awareness, being seen, heard, held, and witnessed in feeling, processing and integrating our grief around it and creating a foundation of love within ourselves that keeps us grounded and tethered no matter what is happening in the outside world.
Once we have that foundation all of our relationships flow better because we show up as a whole and complete human being rather than someone who is trying to fill a void.
For support in healing the mother wound and creating the relationship you desire click this link and let’s connect: