How to Create a Strong Foundation In Your New Relationship

When you enter into a new relationship it’s not just two people coming together. It’s two people’s childhoods, relationship histories, past traumas, and triggers and basically two different mental filters experiencing the dynamic. 

It is essential to understand that we WILL play out our past experiences within the current relationship. We will project our own interpretation of things onto our partner. It will get messy because no two people have the same mental framework and thus we are existing in varying different subjective realities. READ THAT AGAIN. Your mental filter and your partner’s mental filter are different. No two people will have the same experience of the same thing because of this. 

It is not that there will not be challenges. It is HOW we navigate the challenges when they come up that will make or break the connection either deepening or creating ruptures that lead to distance when they are not properly repaired. 

Creating an approach of being a TEAM when things come up rather than “me versus you” will be very supportive in strengthening the bond. It can be very tempting when you experience conflict to think the other person is “doing this TO me” intentionally but what’s really happening is they are interpreting the experience through their lens and you are interpreting the experience through your lens and BOTH are valid. 

BOTH crave the experience of feeling SEEN and HEARD and UNDERSTOOD and learning the communication tools to provide that will go a LONG way in coming to a request, resolution, or compromise. 

In a new relationship, there will be a lot to learn about yourself and your partner. Learning the tools NOW can help to create a really solid foundation to build on, rather than waiting and experiencing conflict and building resentments – which only accumulate and become more emotionally charged as things go on. 

The earlier you learn the tools the better. In my opinion, the first sign of challenge is the right time to get some outside support so that you can receive the communication tools and techniques to work through it and repair it in real time – rather than wait years and then have a LOT of cleaning up and repairing to do.

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