When there are challenges in a relationship they often don’t fall under the category of being rational or logical. If we are waiting for them to make sense like a math equation – we will continue to be perplexed and a way through them will elude us.
Relational challenges are not based on logic and reason but more based on each individual’s needs and the feelings that they are experiencing in their hearts within the dynamic.
We all experience the world through the lens of our personal belief system and our past experiences which means that no two people will experience something exactly the same way.
We have different past hurts, different traumas, different core wounds that will present in different ways and the willingness to learn these things about ourselves and another is the path to which we can start to build a big enough container to hold the complexities and nuances of ourselves and another and meet them with love and compassion.
The closer we are to another person the more we will play out our past experiences in the current dynamic and often confuse the current person/avatar for someone or something from our past that caused us hurt. This doesn’t mean that the current person isn’t contributing to the challenge but more that our reaction will be disproportionate to what is happening in the current moment due to our past hurt that is being touched on in the present moment.
When we begin to understand that this is what is happening we can let go of the ego projections of “right” and “wrong” and “good” or “bad” and understand that the person in front of us is providing an avenue and a gateway to the places and spaces within us that need OUR attention, OUR love and OUR care for healing.
Once we have a deeper understanding of ourselves we can better understand another because we can only meet another as deeply as we have met ourselves.
I teach a specific communication tool that can help to create the spaciousness for each person’s heart, interpretation, and hurt and really give the opportunity for each person to feel seen and heard and witnessed in their experience which naturally creates the space for us to meet at the level of the heart and supports the resolution of any conflict.
If you need some support with this, I’d love to connect with you further and share how this process can change your life and all of your relationships.
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