Practicing Self-Love Includes Loving Your Shadow

Do you ever feel confused or overwhelmed when you hear that the most important thing is to love yourself? Do you wonder what that even means and how to do it? You are not alone. We have been heavily programmed to seek love externally and learning to give ourselves our own love is a rewiring process. 

Self-love is not a milestone that you reach one day so you can cross it off your list. Self-love is the practice of choosing, moment by moment, what the most loving thing is. 

I have my clients start asking themselves “If I loved myself, what would I do?” and start making decisions from that place. As we practice this we create a vibrational field of love around us that calls more of that loving energy into our lives. 

When we fill our own cup we can give to others from the overflow – so loving ourselves is the way to be more loving to everyone in your life. 

If you desire to experience more love this is the path. It includes giving love and compassion to all parts of yourself, especially the shadow parts that you have been told are bad or wrong or you have wanted to disown. Those parts need your love the MOST! They need to be held, seen, heard and validated. When you give them what they are needing they won’t need to be as loud within you. 

It’s like our inner child is having a tantrum and re-experiencing the same trauma energy from past experiences. That energy is a habit pattern of thinking and if it gains enough momentum it can suck us into a loop. It comes up because it wants to be acknowledged (because it probably never was!). Give yourself grace in these moments. If we can recognize what is happening rather than judging it, that is a great first step. 

When we are activated and stuck in repetitive looping thoughts that create a painful emotional experience we often feel it is never going to get better and will always be this way (which is a lie) and any patterns in our subconscious mind will come up full force to support that narrative. When we are in that state it is next to impossible to remember what it feels like to be peaceful and content and remember that feelings come and go – they don’t stay.

Slow down. Breathe. Put your hand on your heart. Ask for support. Snuggle your pet. BE with your shadow. Allow yourself to be exactly as you are and feel exactly as you feel without making it bad or wrong. Give yourself the corrective experience you never got of being seen and heard and loved exactly as you are. This, it itself, is healing. 

If we want to attract unconditional love we need to give it to ourselves first. Tune in to the energy of love within yourself which is the true essence of YOU and watch as the outer world rises up to meet you in that energy field. 

If you need some support in this you know where to find me! 

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