Within any painful dynamic is a profound opportunity for healing and liberation. Whatever is showing up in our lives and creating pain is revealing to us the places and spaces within us where we are not yet free.
It is VERY EASY to look at the person we are having issues with and have the narrative that “they are doing this TO me” and if they’d only stop, then I could be okay. We tend to hyperfocus on what “they” are doing or not doing and what we need to do is put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror to look back at ourselves.
This is not to say that our feelings about them and the dynamic are not valid. It is to emphasize that the ONLY PERSON we have any control over is OURSELVES and the more we bring the focus back to ourselves and ask “what is this showing me about me?” the more we will illuminate subconscious partners within ourselves that are contributing to co-creating what we do not want.
Whatever is triggering us holds valuable information. The closer we are to someone, the more likely they will “push our buttons” and vice versa. The key is not to negate this from happening but to use it as a learning tool and a path to freedom.
We experience the world through our own unique mental filter which is what we interpret everything through. The way we interpret things is going to depend on our inner lens which shapes the way we see things. The same thing with our partner. We are each having our own experience of the same event. We get into trouble when we expect the other person to have the exact same experience that we are having. How could they? They have a different mental filter.
Understanding of this creates the space to get curious and use this opportunity to learn about yourself and your partner. What are the main things that trigger you? What are the main things that trigger them? What agreements need to be in places to support you in navigating conflict? What if everything is actually ok? What if it is normal for things to get messy sometimes and having the tools to navigate it in a loving, conscious manner can actually lead to more closeness, fulfillment, freedom and deeper intimacy?
All of that is not only possible. It is directly accessible when you commit to learning a new way to relate. I would be honored to connect with you and support you on your journey.
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