This Is VERY IMPORTANT. If you can master just this one, your relationship dynamics will shift for the better!
Our Initial Response
In conflict, our first impulse will be to point the finger at the other person and tell them what THEY are doing wrong. We tell ourselves “it couldn’t possibly be ME, so it has to be THEM creating this issue”. Friendly reminder: even if they are responsibly for 95% of the issue, we are responsibly for 5%. Blaming only keeps us stuck.
Why It Doesn’t Work
The second we “point the finger” at the other person, they will react defensively and point the finger back at us and this will only result in a cycle of “attack” and “defend” without resolution. This is where we get into a looping toxic cycle.
How To Do It Differently
Recognize your initial urge to point the finger. Recognize the deeper truth that it takes two to tango, which means you are also contributing to the conflict. Take space to come back to your center. When you’re calm, reflect on what the conflict brought up for you and discuss with your partner from a place of curiosity rather than blame.
We are the common denominator in all of our relationships. If we are the problem, we are also the solution!