Do you feel like the importance you place on a romantic partnership far outweighs all other areas of your life?
Do you feel like if you don’t have a romantic partner then life is pretty meaningless?
You’re not alone.
I felt like this for so many years and to be honest I can sometimes still fall into this way of thinking. It has always been a dream of mine to build a life with a partner and there’s nothing wrong with that, but when I was hyper-focused on it, it did not help and probably drove it away even more.
The emphasis I placed on romantic partnership was so big and took up my entire focus and this was really risky because if things were going well in that specific area of my life I was really happy but if they weren’t I was really miserable. Hello rollercoaster ride.
I needed to learn how to “right-size” my perception and the importance I placed on romantic partnership or it would have no chance of unfolding because there was entirely too much pressure on it.
I stopped looking for my partner. I learned to spread out my focus to include other areas of my life. I went to group events and met people and made an effort to stay connected with them, I called old friends more, I spent time with myself and took myself on dates, I went for walks, I meditated, I FaceTimed with my niece, I worked on myself. I learned to fill myself up in that way and I started to feel much better!
It took some time but I realized that I was actually happy! On my own! Hallelujah! I felt more and more whole and complete on my own and this, my friends, is how we set the foundation for a healthy romantic partnership.
When we feel complete on our own we will draw in other people who feel complete and we will add to each other’s lives, rather than operating from a place of lack and trying to fill an existing hole.
Sometimes we can’t THINK our way into this way of being, we need to ACT our way into this way of thinking. I shifted this by “acting as if” and doing things I wasn’t really excited about at first (going to group events etc) but what I found was that I connected with really amazing people and all kinds of beautiful things came of it and so I started to really enjoy it.
If you need some support “right-sizing” the importance you place on romantic partnership I can help!