This has been a major topic in my life the past few months after my breakup. You know that time in-between what was and what will be? If you’re anything like me, you have a hard time letting go. It can be so challenging not to buy into the spiraling obsessive thoughts and wonder if it is, in fact, true that things are working out for my highest good, or if this is just some cruel cosmic joke. Breakups have a really good way of activating our past wounds/old stories.
When you enter into a new relationship it’s not just two people coming together. It’s two people’s childhoods, relationship histories, past traumas, and triggers and basically two different mental filters experiencing the dynamic.
We are energetic beings and we hold emotional energy from past experiences in our physical bodies. Many of us were not taught that it is okay and actually HEALTHY to feel our emotions. As a result many of us learned to suppress them and push them down in order to be loved or accepted.
We have been sold a bill of goods in our society that tells us that when we grow up and find a partner and live happily ever after. It’s the theme of almost every Disney movie and rom com we have ever watched and this messaging gets into our subconscious mind and many of us have been wandering from relationship to relationship seeking that perfect fantasy that doesn’t exist.
We can have every intention of showing up as the best version of ourselves in romantic relationships and it is inevitable that at some point we will be hijacked by our triggers and say or do something that creates the opposite of what we actually want. This is not bad or wrong but simply a result of getting close enough to someone that the dynamic mirrors back to us opportunities to grow and evolve past our current relational skills.