Perfectionism is a trauma response that is born when we were not allowed to make mistakes or judged harshly as children. Our subconscious mind imprints the belief that “I have to be perfect to be loved” and we project that impossible idea onto ourselves (and others but we’ll get to that in a bit).
When there are challenges in a relationship they often don’t fall under the category of being rational or logical. If we are waiting for them to make sense like a math equation – we will continue to be perplexed and a way through them will elude us.
We experience the world through the lens of our individual belief system which is formed based on our past experiences. No two people will experience something the exact same way. Our individual mental filter creates our interpretation of what is happening between us and other people.
Today I had a session with my coach Jenn and I was going over how my last relationship ended and my confusion over the different versions of the person I had experienced. I was stuck on the question of did he ever love me? Was any of it even real? Was the version of himself that he showed me in the beginning authentic? Or was it a manipulation? I wanted to crack the code!