We pay a heavy price for not taking 100% responsibility for our part in a dynamic – and the price is that we can’t change it. Pointing the finger at someone will lead them to point the finger back at you and then you are at a standstill. It is never all one person’s fault. Even if the other person is 90% responsible for their part, we are still 10% responsible for our part.
Our power lies in being willing to look at our part and being humble enough to use challenging dynamics to learn about ourselves. Asking questions like: what actually happened (just the facts) and what is the story I am telling myself (our interpretation) can help us to uncover our triggers and where these feelings were initially felt.
When something is hysterical, it’s historical – meaning that any time we have a reaction that is disproportionate to what is happening it indicates that the current situation or dynamic is touching on some wounding and sensitivities from our past.
Understanding that it is usually not the specifics of the situation but more what is underneath it that is causing the discord can help us to realize that it is not personal and create an opening to have compassion for ourselves and the other person. From there it is possible to create a safe space to share, unpack and heal.
That being said, most of us were not taught how to communicate on this level and so often we engage in dysfunctional patterns like avoidance, or lashing out, and projecting things onto others and reacting to our own projections.
There is another way.
The number one thing I support my clients with is healthy communication (including cleaning up and repairing conflict) and creating space for more connection and love.
Click this link to connect and begin doing things another way: