Speaking your truth when relating to others is one of the core principles of learning to relate in a conscious manner. It’s kind of funny because it seems so simple and obvious yet how many of us were taught to do this?
How many books are out there on how to “get the guy” or play games/manipulate the opposite sex to get what you want? Too many in my opinion.
Telling the truth can be scary, especially if it was not particularly safe for us to be vulnerable growing up since for most of us vulnerability was a liability rather than an asset. But what’s the alternative? Becoming a chameleon to try to anticipate what other people are needing or wanting from us? Ignoring our own intuition in order to fit in? Abandoning ourselves in order to avoid being “too much” or whatever other story we tell ourselves?
One of my coaches, Ed Ferrigan, taught me to tune in with myself and tell the truth! He said when you tell the truth you get much needed information about the relationship/connection that is important moving forward. How the other person responds is information for you, that’s it, it does not determine your worth or value.
Many of us will avoid telling the truth to avoid rejection (real or imagined), but the thing is when we do this we are actually rejecting that part of ourselves that needs to be seen and heard and understood. Many times perpetuating the dynamic that we experienced as children where we had to hide parts of ourselves in order to be accepted and loved by parents, teachers, peers.
If we experience rejection as a result of telling the truth then it would have happened eventually anyway. We can either break our own heart ONCE by taking in the information that this person is someone who is unable to meet us where we are OR we can continue with the people-pleasing behaviors and feel unfulfilled as a result and break our own heart many times.
Ultimately telling the truth is a good screening tool. It opens the door to vulnerability and for the other person to share their truth with you. It is a gateway and invitation to deeper connection. The thing I love the most about it is when we set the tone of this level of relating with others – one of two things will happen – the other person will meet us there and we will experience deeper connection OR they will fall away and someone more aligned will come into our lives.
I invite you to tune in with yourself and share your truth the next time you have the opportunity. If it feels scary, start with something small, like noticing somewhere you would mold to fit other people and instead do the opposite – always with love and compassion.
Sending you all peace, love, and blessings!