Between the ages of 0-7, we decide our core beliefs about the world based on our experiences. The most impactful experiences cause us to create beliefs that are then imprinted into our subconscious mind and we project them out onto the world and they are mirrored back to us (like a movie screen). For example, if we have a belief that “love is hard” we will find evidence to prove ourselves right, and if we believe “love is everywhere” we will find evidence to prove that belief right.
When we have an understanding of this, we see how important it is to choose beliefs that support us in the life we want to create and experience. To do this we need to bring the subconscious beliefs that are not serving us to our conscious awareness so that they don’t keep operating at an unconscious level and wreaking havoc on our relationships creating those toxic dynamics/cycles.
Romantic relationships are one of the most confronting mirrors. Every couple has a dance where they play out each of their set of beliefs (usually projecting on each other) which can often create toxic cycles and additional trauma. Romantic relationships are also a profound opportunity for healing and transformation.
When things come up during breakdowns in the relationship they shine a light on what is within us that is ready to be processed, released, and healed so that we can experience more freedom within ourselves. If these things do not come to light, they will continue operating under our conscious awareness. We do not have to continue playing out the beliefs we created that cause the same fight/cycle/dynamic to be re-experienced time and time again with our partner. There is another way.
It is vital to understand that no matter what is showing up during a breakdown that each person is having their own experience. There is no good/bad/right/wrong – each person is experiencing the dynamic through the lens of their own belief system. Both experiences are valid. Once we can understand that our partner isn’t consciously acting a certain way to hurt us, or annoy us, or whatever – we can have compassion for them in their experience.
Creating awareness around the subconscious beliefs and dynamics that we are playing out is key (if we are not aware of them we cannot shift them), along with becoming familiar with our own triggers and reactions, and taking responsibility for our patterns and programs. We also need to have infinite love and compassion for ourselves (and our partner). For having the courage to use this opportunity for expansion and growth remembering that many people will not take this opportunity to grow and expand and that it’s normal and okay if it gets messy sometimes.
Isn’t it time to give yourself the gift of freedom, connection, and fulfillment in relationships? I am here to help! Book your consult call today 🙂