When we experience challenges in relationships the tendency is usually to point the finger or blame the other person for what is happening. When we do this we miss the opportunity to go within and ask “what is this teaching me about me?”.
When I work with individuals and couples, I notice that a lot of the time when there is conflict the focus is on the surface level of the problem versus the deeper layers. For example, you could be arguing about who’s going to vacuum and stay at that level and go back and forth but what is really being illuminated at a deeper level is someone is feeling taken advantage of or like they are carrying more of the responsibilities.
The answer to the problem will not be found at the level of the problem. We need to do a deeper dive to get to the root so that we can heal there or we will just keep cycling in the same arguments without resolution.
Most of us were not taught how to repair after breakdowns. Most of us were not taught how to communicate in a way that leads to more connection, love, and intimacy. This is what I help my clients with.
Learning the tools to communicate and work through things that come up in relationships is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves because the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our relationships.
We can use anything that is coming up as a tool to learn about ourselves and each other and really start to understand that nothing is ever personal. Things that come up are more a reflection of our own internal experience and they can be used to guide us to deeper understanding of ourselves and also healing from past experiences that are being activated by the current breakdown.
Relationship alchemy is when we take whatever is happening in the current moment and use it as an opportunity to turn it into gold. The biggest breakdown could lead to the biggest breakthrough. We cannot avoid conflict but we can use it as a tool for healing and growth and also learn how to navigate it in a way that leads to more love, connection, and intimacy.
If this sounds like something that would help you, I invite you to jump on a consult call with me.