Do you internalize other people’s opinions about you? Do you struggle with trying to make things right only to make a bigger mess? Do you feel like you’d be okay if only someone else did what you wanted/needed them to do?
In the book The Four Agreements one of my favorite authors, Don Miguel Ruiz, explains that in order for us to experience peace we must practice the art of “taking nothing personally” and he explains that what other people think about us is a projection and reflection of their own reality. Some people will love us, some will hate us and none of it will have much to do with us!
We can drive ourselves crazy trying to be seen, heard, and understood by people who are committed to misunderstanding us or we can recognize that just as the way we react and respond to others and to the world is a reflection of our own unique inner world – the same is true for them.
Think of your mind like a movie screen. Whatever is inside it is being projected out and then reacted to. There isn’t much we can do when others are projecting onto us and then reacting to their projections.
There can be some movement here if both parties are willing to look at what is being triggered within them and use the conflict as an opportunity to create more self-awareness and take accountability where needed. But many people are not even aware of what exactly they are reacting to? They just think YOU are doing THIS to THEM when usually if their reaction is disproportionate to the actual event – they are reacting to a past memory that is being triggered in the present moment.
If someone is committed to misunderstanding you, the best thing you can do is lovingly detach and put the focus back on taking care of yourself. If it is meant to come back around and be resolved – it will – but often not on our desired timeline.
Letting go of the need to try to “figure it out” for now is often exactly what is needed for things to shift in the dynamic.
If you resonate with this and would like some extra support moving through these types of relational challenges – book your consult here: